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Journal Entry

I have a skype interview for the straw bale internship in Colorado with Community Rebuilds tomorrow. I really hope I get accepted. I found out it starts May 9 which only gives me about 5 days at home. I was kind of hoping to be able to spend a little more time at home with my family so I think I will try to change my flight home from Thailand but if I can’t it’s ok. I need to stay focused. My mom is having the lady that does her blog for her work on mine. She created a whole website for me! We are talking about trying to get me sponsored to help get my name out there and pay for some of the internships. It’s crazy to think that something that was just an idea in my head a couple of years ago is beginning to feel real. I remember wanting to wait a while to tell my parents becauseI was afraid they would think I was on a mania mission. But maybe I am, maybe this is my biggest mission yet. I’ve just learned how to harness it and use it for something really productive! Sometimes this dream feels so big and scary, but what if I can actually do it? What if I do succeed and really help to make a difference? That would be so incredible! I can do it, I KNOW I can do it. How did I go from being a drug addicted, overly medicated, obnoxious teenager that no one genuinely liked or wanted to be around to being where I am today? I’ve become someone who is following their dreams and doing what makes them happy. It’s just crazy to think about all I went through to get here. So many times I wanted so badly to kill myself because I was in so much emotional pain. I’ve done so much crying and so much hurting. Yet somehow I’ve ended up being completely sober and live life everyday with a beautiful and pure sense of happiness! I’m so grateful for everything that has happened in my life. I feel grateful so grateful just to be alive! I hope I can change the life of at least one bipolar child, hopefully many, but at least one. That is where my purest joy comes from, helping others to find their happiness. I know I’ve already heavily impacted a handful of people, and if I died tomorrow I would be satisfied with that. However I want to know this idea works and that it could change another person’s life similar to mine. I am so driven to prove that it does and show it to the world because I want nothing more than for the world to experience the happiness that I do.

 

Earlier Event: February 17
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Later Event: February 20
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